life in lockdown 3 - fork in the road
Back in February I wrote a post about preparing to move home, and making plans for the future. Well, what's that saying about God laughing while we make plans? As I was writing that, Covid-19 must have been in the news, albeit as a problem on a distant horizon, a problem that would surely never affect us here in England, but it clearly wasn't alarming enough for me to make mention of it, or think for one moment that it would affect the whole world to the degree that it has. I had no idea either, of course, that I'd lose my mum less than two months later. She was poorly, but she'd been poorly several times before and she'd pulled through.
So circumstances change, and plans change with them. Back in Feb I was planning to find a new job, a new challenge to take my life in a different direction. Now I plan what I might have for lunch, what I could cook for dinner that would make a nice change. I plan to visit the supermarket, two days hence and remember the celery this time. I plan to visit a garden centre soon, maybe next week, now that that is an option. I plan to sow some more basil and coriander seeds, but maybe into fibre pots this time, so I can plant them directly into the soil without disturbing their roots.
Life, eh? You think you're heading in one direction and you end up somewhere off the beaten track. I thought my life would open up hugely when I moved to Brighton, it had gotten so small and constrained where I was. But I ended up in lockdown, as good as housebound, my horizon far narrower even than previously. But we adapt don't we? I won't pretend I don't have bad days. Days when the walls close in. Days when I can barely get out of bed, or get dressed, or feed myself. Days when I long for bedtime to roll around again, just so the day will end. But there is always another day, and there are always more plans I could make. Do I cut the grass or let it grow, maybe welcome back some wildflowers that haven't grown on this patch for years? Do I pick up a pencil and try to draw again? Do I call someone who might welcome the sound of my voice? A plan is still a plan, it doesn't have to be grand and life changing to be life enhancing.
So circumstances change, and plans change with them. Back in Feb I was planning to find a new job, a new challenge to take my life in a different direction. Now I plan what I might have for lunch, what I could cook for dinner that would make a nice change. I plan to visit the supermarket, two days hence and remember the celery this time. I plan to visit a garden centre soon, maybe next week, now that that is an option. I plan to sow some more basil and coriander seeds, but maybe into fibre pots this time, so I can plant them directly into the soil without disturbing their roots.
Life, eh? You think you're heading in one direction and you end up somewhere off the beaten track. I thought my life would open up hugely when I moved to Brighton, it had gotten so small and constrained where I was. But I ended up in lockdown, as good as housebound, my horizon far narrower even than previously. But we adapt don't we? I won't pretend I don't have bad days. Days when the walls close in. Days when I can barely get out of bed, or get dressed, or feed myself. Days when I long for bedtime to roll around again, just so the day will end. But there is always another day, and there are always more plans I could make. Do I cut the grass or let it grow, maybe welcome back some wildflowers that haven't grown on this patch for years? Do I pick up a pencil and try to draw again? Do I call someone who might welcome the sound of my voice? A plan is still a plan, it doesn't have to be grand and life changing to be life enhancing.
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