r.t.c.

Okay so the last couple of weeks have been tough ones for me - mental health wise. I was motoring along quite well, beforehand, and then I hit a brick wall. It's really not uncommon that this is the way it happens, which I suppose makes it a pattern for me. There was no particular big event, or inciting incident if you will, that tipped me over into depression, just a drip, drip of small things that added to the pool of worries and anxieties (if they aren't the same thing), and suddenly I can't get off the sofa.

I'm single, so it's easy not to have to get up, get dressed, leave the flat. There is no-one to chivvy me along. I don't work at the moment so I have nowhere to get to by 9am, and no one to call me for missing my shift. And I recently moved to a town where almost no one knows me, just a couple of folk I say hello to in the communal hallways of the building where I live. So it's really easy for me to just not participate in the day. I'm in a kind of limbo, I don't take part.

Without regular work I have to create my own routine, but with no income whatsoever I can't just do whatever I fancy if it comes with a fancy price tag. I can't jump on a train and visit museums in London, or pop to the cinema, or sit in a coffee shop all day. It's shit to be depressed, but it's really shitty to be depressed and poor into the bargain.

What I am though is time rich. I have time on my hands and time to spare. And I get very frustrated and angry with myself for not utilising it. And that's a dilemma right there. It's tricky to 'fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run'* when you don't want to get out of bed and face the day. But I am at least beginning to recognise that if I can bring some organisation to my day then it may help to turn things around.

I recently watched a YouTuber who plans out his day by time-blocking it, planning all that he needs to do and allocating a time to it so that as he works his way through his day he knows what he's meant to be doing at any given hour in order to tick off all the chores on his to-do list. Mind you, he's a busy guy, running several businesses as well as creating all his YT content. He needs the discipline. Still, I'm wondering whether something of that order might work for me. A much scaled down version of a timetable that would help to create a routine, and guide me through the day. I'm also thinking I should just fill my to-do list with things that I enjoy, things that, in the normal run, bring me some joy, and that don't cost me any money. This way, moving from task to task throughout the day shouldn't be too onerous, there's a good chance that I'd stick to the simple rule/s of the plan, and the mere fact that I'm spending a day doing things I like might start to lift my spirits. Who can be gloomy when watering the houseplants? I'll call it Operation Get Shit Done, but I could as easily call it Reasons to Get Ot of Bed in the Morning.

* thanks to Rudyard Kipling for this